Revenge of the animal farm

I tell you it’s the curse of all the edible animals or at least they are learning from the inspired chickens! Who would have thought that a lowly clucking hen would invent something that could kill a human, serves us right with all the tandoori and tikka masala. It started with the bird spread SARS, then the very creatively named bird flu, now we have swine flu may be the fish or the goats are next!

I landed a cold then a cough and then fever, which in itself is a rarity with me; considering the high maintenance personality I usually only tend to get the lifestyle diseases. So here I am with a propensity for high end diseases landing something that’s text book flu right at the time of pandemic … I actually never thought I would use the term pandemic in a real world scenario outside of business continuity planning!! But I digress, so I promptly got worried, dreamt up couple of dire scenarios, wonder if I should write a will but was not sure if they accepted a will in an email; as there was no chance even I could read what I wrote after I wrote it.

Then my sanity kicked in, all I have to do is get the guts and go to a govt. hospital for a flu screening, it was a tough call you had a potential blue/grey wheezing death on one hand and the horror of a govt hospital on the other. Then I heard something about the UK protocol and the fact that selected private hospitals were allowed to screen and even treat patients. I personally think the whole logic of govt. control on screening, testing and tablets was something that only an academically brilliant IAS officer would come up with! Anyways I found a friendly neighborhood Apollo and went over, there were about 15 people with masks waiting ahead of me, they even had a foot controlled hand sanitizer I used some and waited for my turn.

The doc looked as if he had walked out of a Hollywood Bio-disaster flick and I was suitably scared, he looked at me top to bottom and then from side to side, which didn’t take much time at all, he then asked me what was my problem duh! Told him, he looked at me in disdain, had he not been seeing hundred patients daily I guess he would had a hearty laugh; this was bad I had to impress the doc and gain some credibility so I pulled out my ace… type 2 diabetes, he perked up and asked me what my last sugar reading was, told him, the disdain came back; finally he wrote me a bunch of cure all tablets anti-biotics and 650mg monster paracetamol and asked me to wear a mask and stay home (I could do that), I brought the meds and a 3M N95 mask for a total of Rs 420 (very ironic!) at the hospital pharmacy.

I came out looking sheepish, walked up to a rikshaw who promptly asked me for 50 bucks (its 20 by the meter) and wouldn’t budge. He knew that I knew that he knew that I deserved to pay him nothing less than 50, here I was all urban with a face mask looking at a bunch of rikshawallas who had no clue what the fuss was all about. Obviously knowing what we both knew I couldn’t get into his rikshaw and decided to walk, halfway through I agreed to be fleeced by another of his kind for Rs.30 for what was by then minimum riksahw fare. Stupid Pig!